When Hands Don’t Work.. Or I Am My Own Worst Critic...

Erin had another rough day. She seemed fine this morning and even played with her friend who also has had chicken pox this week at our house so that the other mother could have a break like I did yesterday... but then by mid-afternoon she had another painful “flare-up” and was running a low grade fever again.

I’ve been working on some illustrations, because it is easier to draw near her than be down in the basement office on the computer, yet my hands just are not cooperating today and it is VERY frustrating. This is one of those days where I can see the images so clearly in my head... yet I am just not satisfied with what is coming out on the pages before me. Drawing is like that sometimes. It’s not really a block, just a sense of regret that my hands don’t seem to be living up to the images I can see in my head. Nick always tells me I am being picky at this stage... but I can’t help it!!

It’s also been a few weeks since I have drawn on anything but graph paper... and there is no doubt that it is a transition back to pencil, pen and ink. I often think that I should find an hour each day to just draw... so that my hands will keep limber... but where do I squeeze it in?? I shall just push on and know that either the flow will be easier in the next couple of days, or I shall get an outside opinion to tell if I am being too picky or hard on myself.

But those beautiful images in my head still haunt me... sometimes it is so hard to be able to see one way and have my hands feel so clumsy trying to bring them to life. It is like trying to hold on to a shimmering soap bubble or a summer afternoon or the last hug with someone you love before they leave...