Wednesday, June 22, 2005

FInding Hope Through Tears In Song...

The transition to reality after being away is never easy. At least the girls were excited enough about seeing their friends and all of the last week of school activities to get up out of bed even when their bodies were still on EST.

The first day of summer here was glorious and the kids ran through “Ollie” an octopus sprinkler after school with some friends while the moms tried to stay out of the way and chat on the deck.

Not to bad... but then I needed to send an e-mail off to close down a Russian site that had 36 of my designs on their pages for trade or sharing. A Dragon Spotter had reported the site to me while I was up at Mom’s, but since I didn’t have my contact’s e-mail with me, I waited until I got home, not knowing how much was up on the site.

Tonight it drove me to tears. For whatever reason, I just sat there and bawled. At that moment in time I thoroughly understood Teresa’s decision to take a break from cross stitching. Why pour so much of yourself into a design and pay to have it printed when someone can steal it and share it will others so easily?

I took a break to watch this week’s Canadian Idol and called in to support the young girl from New Brunswick, but as I watched her chase her dream, I felt even more discouraged tonight that after almost a dozen years of designing, I certainly had far less to show for all my efforts in terms of financial stability than someone who had spent the same amount of time in another job. I called my Mom, just to have her say “awwwww”, which sort of helped, and then got down to work on some graphic files for a client.

I put iTunes on in the background on my other machine and one of the first songs that came up was from the Touched By An Angel CD... the song Testify to Love by Wynnona. When it hit the line of the words “Every corner of Creation lives to Testify” I felt oddly comforted with the sudden knowledge that I was being true to what I have always felt called to do... create images.

If the ones that I make in cross stitch are more vulnerable to technology, I will keep shutting things down, speaking out, trying to find ways of protecting my work better etc. I will also continue to explore other, less vulnerable ways of using my images, but I will not let this take away the joy that I have in creating things that try to make the world smile, or hope, or dream a bit more than they did before.

I will learn from and be inspired by those around me facing adversity with such incredible courage, instead of watching how the world encourages “having it all” regardless of who you hurt.

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