Thursday, August 24, 2006

Good News Amid Total Panic...

Good news that many of our designs out there have been removed from the sites that were hosting them. Like mushrooms, I am sure that they will pop up again because speaking out against something that is wrong does tend to make one a bit of a target, but I needed that sense of accomplishment amid today’s horrid adventures. IF I believed in biorhythms, mine today would have been flat line. Everything that could slow things down, mess things up etc. seemed to be happening on a day when I was determined to get the 3rd to last illustration finished.

While the girls were out at VBS, the phone rang, the fax machine jammed, the washer got off cycle, and some of the socks fell into the garden instead of staying on the clothesline. The girls came home and I fed them a quick lunch, letting them picnic in the living room since Mommy had once again strewn the dining room table with every box of pencil crayons and felt pens that she owned. The girls were a bit wound from the morning’s activities, so I suggested the slip in a DVD to wind down a little. All went well for a while and I got the colouring and markering done then prepared to start inking the picture.

About halfway through the inking process, with the girls getting a bit rambunctious again, I moved my hand too quickly and smudged a whole section of the pigma marker detail!! I could have screamed!! I could have curled up in the corner and sobbed! I wanted to just rip everything to shreds and whirl around in the confetti bits as if trapped in some kind of giant snow globe!! But I didn’t. I did the logical thing and removed the children from the area, sending them to their rooms to play so that they wouldn’t accidentally be chewed up and spat out as I tried to deal with the panic and the “I’VE KILLED IT!!” reaction. This is where drawing by hand doesn’t come with an “undo” command!!! Poor Nick happened to call about then and when he asked if I wanted him to come home soon, I resisted the urge to yell “About 4 hours ago!!!” and instead just bit his head off... Sigh! Poor, patient husband living with a volatile dragon!!!

I had a sudden idea that coating the area with a thin layer of white gouache paint might give me a base to hide things under and camouflage the massive oops... but at that point I needed another soul who understood what I was going through and how hard I was trying not to cry or barf on my drawing!!! Luckily, Teresa was very understanding and supportive, making the appropriate sympathy noises in all the right places, despite the fact that I was interrupting her sweet corn canning. (Thanks!!!!) She agreed that gouache might do the trick, so at least I could get air into my lungs again by the time I ended the call. Upstairs I ran to put a light coat of gouache on the afflicted area before we headed over to a friend’s house for dinner. Tonight was the “thank you” dinner on their new deck which Nick helped build. It was wonderful not to have to cook or do dishes (they own a dishwasher... I am the dishwasher in our house!) but I admit that I didn’t fully relax or breathe deeply until about an hour ago when I finished the drawing. When I called Nick over to have a look, he couldn’t tell where the oops had been, so I am cautiously optimistic that the author and the digital camera won’t pick it up either. If they do, I will do a bit of touch up in Photoshop once the image is digital.

It takes courage to keep working on something when you think all hope is lost. It takes maturity not to walk away from disaster or make it worse in anger and frustration. My kids will see me deal with defeat and turn it into something beautiful. This is the greatest challenge and reward for any creative soul. Never give up.... even when all you see is the ashes!


WhizGidget said...

{{{hug}}} I feel your frustration - I'm not a competetant artist by any means, but when I do have something that's rather good and I slip either by my own clumsiness or by some outside influence, I want to curl up under the table and cry.

I think that's why I don't draw very much... two active little girls running around my house as distractions.

Good luck finishing those illustrations!!!

Geri said...

The other sad thing about those sites is that they will go 'underground' and share in the Friends Only area of their sites ... I don't comprehend the vastness of this _need_ to have so much stuff ... The saying, "The one who dies with the most (insert thing) wins!" makes me upset ... You die and you don't have that stuff ... Someone else gets it or it goes in the garbage ... I went to a yard sale last month and they were selling all - and I mean all - of the grandmother's things and they were selling kits that were $80 for $2 ... When will people learn?

Now that I'm done with that little rant (sorry) I'd like to let you know I appreciate your mothering skills ... I didn't have a very happy Mom, so she didn't know how to express herself to us ... It helps me to see that there are other and better ways. Thanks

TexasBethM said...

*general hugs* for dealing with the frustrations. I'm not an artist myself, but I have several friends who are. I'm so glad that you were able to find a good solution.