Wednesday, April 07, 2004

Finding Inspiration In My Daughters’ Eyes...

One of the things that I love most about being a parent is that I get to be exposed to creatures that are infinitely more aware of the world than I am... my children. As we grow, we learn to put all these filtered lenses on our perceptions of reality that take us far away from everyday wonder... even those of us who try hard not to “grow up”.

Both Erin and Bethany are still caught up in that wonder and magic of make believe and exploration, so some of my best soul recharging moments come from when I am pretending something with them, listening to them tell as story out loud as they draw it, getting lost in a wonderful book with them, talking in silly voices or answering one of their infinitely challenging questions that always seem to start with WHY??

Yet, as Erin grows closer and closer to her double digits and then teens, I find I have an incredible sense of watching something precious slip through my fingers, like mist or stardust or sparkly tears. I do not want to be the one to break all of her bubbles, because I still make wishes upon stars... but it will be hard when magical things like tooth fairies, Easter Bunnies, fairies and Santa Claus are no longer part of their lives. I hope that I can still keep some of that wonder alive so that they still reach for the wisps of dreams and are not afraid to entertain angels unaware.

The other night Erin cried about not wanting to grow up. Such a hard thing for a “little girl” in a tall girl body. I remember that ache when everyone treated me as so much older than I really was. We talked for a long time about breaking the worry and panic into manageable pieces... how we would always be there for her... no one ever gets to know what tomorrow holds and must journey into it with grace and faith...

Now as I try to capture these thoughts in my blog, I know that I still feel that bafflement sometimes about not wanting to be the grown up or the parent or the responsible one. But I am also glad that I still retain the sense of wonder and “impracticality” that allows me to imagine a dragon hoarding chocolate, having tea with a wizard or being tamed by a mermaid. May none of us ever grow up TOO much!!

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