Thursday, March 15, 2007
The snow is melting at a rapid pace incredibly early this year and winter seems to be letting go of its hold on us. I have been in the Maritimes long enough now to know that Spring won’t be here for awhile... but the longer days tell me that the seasons will change eventually.
Letting go can be hard, no matter what our age. After buying some new stuffed animals in Florida and having to get rid of older ones, Bethany is still in mourning for the stuffies that have left our home. The fact that they spent most of their time in a drawer being ignored or that they have gone to others who can appreciate them offers little solace to her. All she can see is that something she had is gone and cannot come back. Letting go is hard when you are not quite 8
This March Break was also a taste of freedom for Erin as she was allowed to stay up some nights with the grown-ups and hang around the hot tub or get into more serious discussions. She had her own room for all but the last 2 nights and her own money to spend on things that mattered to her. Letting go of that vacation freedom has been a bit hard for her this week as she heads back to homework, piano practice etc.
Letting go is hard for my grandfather. While we were down in Florida, my mother and aunt helped him move into a home that could provide better medical care than the assistants who were coming to the house where he lived with my grandmother for over 50 years and continued to live after her passing. His grip on the world around him is slipping quickly and yet he seems so frantic and agitated all the time. Letting go of life, of intellect, of control cannot be easy for such a strong personality. We have already turned in our air miles to go up there for his 95th birthday at the end of April. I am torn between hoping that he will be there to visit... that he will recognize me... and not wanting him to suffer.
Letting go is a lesson for me as well. My girls seem to be growing up overnight before my eyes. Suddenly, they go off to do their own thing after homework or meals and I am left somewhat baffled by the time to myself, especially when Nick’s schedule keeps him busy with evening meetings. It is important for any creative spirit to know when to let go of self and let the work, whether it is a design, a story, a painting or other creation tell you where it wants to go and when it is finished. Can I do any less for those I love? I cannot keep them trapped. Sometimes, the best way to show love is to give someone the freedom to be themselves within your togetherness rather than to hug too tightly.