Monday, June 04, 2007

Letting Go In Pieces...

I’m not sure if I could actually be pulled in any more directions tonight without shattering... but I am learning from all of this. Each day is a new adventure. I find things to treasure and things to let go.

Erin was in tears tonight over the upcoming Provincial Assessment and wanting everything to be “perfect”. Sigh! This is what happens when two type A personalities breed. She was disappointed with a test that she brought home that was only a 37 out of 40. I kept trying to tell my amazing, wonderful, bright, funny, athletic, empathetic daughter that it was OK and most of it still fell on deaf ears.

“Just do your best!” I urged. “We love you no matter what! Our love has nothing to do with marks or how you look or what you want to be when you grow up.”

“I want my best to be perfect!” she wailed.

I don’t think that there is such a thing here on Earth.

Nick is trying to wrap up his first year as a Principal with a school that is now almost bursting at the seams with enrollment for next year, new teachers to hire and a mountain of paperwork to get done amid all the graduation activities, retiring teacher banquets, end of year meetings etc. I want to help in any way that I can to make his days less stressful... but I cannot walk in his shoes.

I made this little plasticine picture at StoryFest last year. It was fun to play as I chaperoned a bunch of kids from Erin and Bethany’s school. It has sat in our kitchen on the top of a cupboard for a whole year. It has been dropped, dented, squashed, poked etc. Plasticine is fairly forgiving, but it was also gathering dust and slowly getting out of shape. Rather than keep the object itself, I took a good photo of it, remembered the fun I had making it and then let it go into the trash.

You have to know when to hold on, when to let go and when to just wait and see.

How can I teach this lesson to my two girls?

How can I make myself listen when part of me wants to just run around yelling at the top of my lungs that life is not fair?

I have just learned that someone I love very much is going to have to battle cancer. I can only add my strength through prayers and wait. I am not ready to let go.

1 comment:

Erica said...

Oh Jennifer I know exactly how you feel. I fight the same battle with both my boys. It breaks my heart every time that they are unable to focus on the good and seem only able to see the bad. I don't have a solution to the problem. I just keep trying to get them to focus on what's good in their world, and let the rest go. It's difficult for all of us - for some strange reason, it's always easier to focus on what's wrong than what's right. It's hard to know when to let go, to know when it's okay to let go and to know when to hang on tight or to fight for what's right. I haven't figured it all out yet, so no doubt my kids struggle as I do.

You're not alone in this Jennifer. All we can do is try to lead by example.

I'm sorry someone close to you has cancer and will have to fight. They're lucky they have you to turn to. I wish you both well.